it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if i died would you start the facebook group?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
