With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
