xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
