the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
