i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
