I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
