we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
