i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
