No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
