So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
