the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
