I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
