bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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