Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can't turn off my feet"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
