Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
In other news, I just burned my penis
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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