hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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