And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
