At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
