When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize