You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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