Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
