I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
