i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize