we're blogging at a bar
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
