SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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