i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
