Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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