This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
