I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
