The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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