It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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