If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You can't motorboat a personality
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
