does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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