Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
