I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
