i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
