i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I love you. Go after that dick
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
