who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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