Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
