I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
