wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
