I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
