The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
