Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My liver just had a heart attack.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
