I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize