youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
