I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
this hospital has no fireball
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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