is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
