I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
