you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
