Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
