Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
