Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize