Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
