3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
