She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
