I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
