She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Do you remember whose house we're in?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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