I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
