She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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