I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize