It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
