Who wears a wallet chain?!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just want nice things and good sex
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
