Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
