I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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