Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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