alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
